My life turned upside down a few years ago: I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. I heard my doctor say “cancer”, but the rest was a blur. The word stuck in my brain.

Cancer.

It was impossible to do anything else that day. I rode an emotional roller coaster.

The next day, as part of my coach training, I was scheduled to attend a personal development workshop focused on the Buddhist belief that “you’re born alone and you die alone.” We were given multiple exercises to fully experience the loneliness of dying.

That evening, after I left the workshop, I wandered through the streets of San Francisco almost deadened with sadness. I was about to die. I had been stripped of everything, even being human. Then something extraordinary happened. I turned a corner and suddenly felt a cold wind whip my cheek. It was so strong, so powerful, so crisp that I started feeling alive, more alive than I ever felt.

Today I can still recapture this incredible moment and wonder why it took a feeling of death to feel totally alive? Perhaps this is what monasteries are all about. People are stripped of possessions and are limited in their contacts with others though they live in community. Some never speak, some spend much time in isolation. This is their way to connect with God, with life.

I believe that what I experienced in that instant was “clarity of life”, the feeling of life at its purest. This was a very primal experience, a feeling of  being part of life and all its powers. It was so seductive that, since that moment, I have experienced life differently.

For the first time, I felt and feel alive.

Until then, like everyone, I pretended I would live forever, hiding behind stacks of possessions, fake achievements and prepackaged goals. I was not looking at my life to ignore my fear of death. The wind took away the fear. Today, I celebrate life.

One might think that accepting mortality would push me to try to experience as much as possible, but the opposite happened because I do not fear death. Today I am content, I never feel pressed and I accept whatever life brings me without rejecting anything. I don’t try to control what comes my way. This allows me to see all the opportunities, to select those that matter most to me and to create a richer life by knowing myself better, feeling more alive and connected.

Today, I am cancer free but I have not forgotten the experience of staring at death. That ultimate truth opened a door to fully experience life without trying to control the universe.

I love my life!

You don’t need to have an experience with death to burst with life. Simply practice a new way of living. A coach can help guide you on this journey. I am here to help.