Who in their right mind would send wool blankets to the tropics? You’d be surprised how often similar things happen. Actually it is so common that most disaster preparedness manuals used by international relief organizations have a section on how to handle unnecessary relief supplies.

Misplaced empathy is the culprit. We imagine ourselves as one of the victims and we give them what we would need. The problem is that our culture, environment, and the conditions we imagine are so different from reality that we end up miles away from the truth.

Social programs are not immune. Countless ones are a waste of money and energy. “You are just like the others: you start something, you disappear and we never see you again” is a typical comment from poor communities throughout the world.

We do this at home too. As parents, spouses, friends, colleagues, we satisfy our guilt with inappropriate gifts. As community members, we feel good when we volunteer to help those in need with unwanted services. We ignore the consequences because it’s really about us not about them.

If we want to make it about them, we must ask:  What’s in it for me? What’s in it for them? What am I not understanding about their needs? What am I not understanding about them? Do they want anything from me? What do they want from me? What will happen to them afterwards?

Most of all, when you want to help others as most of us do, please ask yourself “Am I sending wool blankets to the tropics?”