What is true power? Where does it come from?

In this article, “power” is the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others.

Do you believe that power is exercised through some act of aggression? If you have encountered someone in a position of power that was a control freak, a manipulator or a fear monger, you know the cost of such power.

Power through aggression is not power but an energy drain for all and a 24/7 job. Stop the aggression, lose power.

For power to be a source of energy, it must be earned.

Nobody will let you have power over them unless they think they can benefit from it. They need to respect your ability to serve them and they must trust that you will keep serving them.

Respect, trust and consistency are the three keys to power.

Trust and respect cannot be earned if they are not given. Be fair and honest and be open to criticism. Don’t judge people. It prevents you from listening to them, from being seen as one who understand them and from knowing who they expect you to be.

People have expectations about who you should be. Some may see you as a mentor, some as an expert, others as a guide. The further their expectations are from who you are, the more fragile your power is. You must have strong self-power for their expectations to match who you really are.

Self-power is the capacity or ability to direct or influence your own behavior¹. It requires self-trust, self-respect and self-consistency.

Power cannot exist without self-power. Self-trust and self-respect are required to earn trust and respect from others. To be consistent with others, you must be consistent with yourself.  You must be a center of stability not a center of aggression.

So next time you are offered a position of power ask yourself: “do I have enough self-power?” If the answer is yes, take it and use the three keys (consistency, trust and respect). If the answer is no, refuse it and go see a life coach.

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¹ According to the Internal Family System model, our mind is composed of a Self and of multiple discrete minds or parts. In this context, self-power can be interpreted as power of the Self over these parts. This is no different than power over other people.